Insanity

I know your argument— just draw.
But to put myself on a piece of paper

is abuse to blank canvases

that lay awaiting someone with soul

to give them a life.

~~~

I know your argument— just play.
And if the world were chock full of children,

we’d play ourselves into blissful slumber,

from a hard Playground’s day.

I understand your point— just look alive.
Yet the insanity my dreams do bring, reveal
a certain poetic state of mind

that I choose to hide behind.

~~~

Please don’t let me bother you

more than I normally do.
But it’s everything, lovely,

that’s eating me inside.
Inadequate? That was defined

when you showed me smiles I knew were lies.

And hellos that covered for good byes.

~~~

And for reasons I don’t know,
It’s become my turn now.

By showing smiles that I know are lies,

greeting others with inflections of goodbyes

giving advice I don’t heed myself…

telling others I’m doing well…

(when really, leave me alone; go to hell)

~~~

but I’m trying.

God, I’m trying.
Mom, I’m trying.
Father, I’m trying.

Lovely, without your guiding misdemeanors,

I am still trying.

It's like why, you know?
Underneath all those lies
lies a soul far more tortured than mine.

Mere words turn hearts
from stone to something brittle
a bitch to turn back, shattered
waiting for time the healer to tell
us a story of what went wrong.

But by that time, it was long gone.
Trust was long gone.
Love was long gone....and you,

You weren't ever the one...
just the second, third, hell just for fun.
I was never your answer.
Nor is he, or him or her save yourself.

I know I can't see
truth through your blinds
from the blues that make up your eyes
to your world that makes you smile
and red anger, through those lies
Still I catch, on the tip of your tongue.

But by that time, it was long gone.
Trust was long gone.
Love was long gone. And you...

You got what you wanted
You got what you you d'served
You got what you wanted
You got what came to you
You got what you wanted
You got what you d'served
You got what you wanted
Ain't that the bitch too.

Magic

I reflect upon myself, if only through a mirror:

in my shoes, a man in metamorphosis, mesmerized 

by the magic of the past, a tragedy of a thousand lies. 

It's the magic of being stuck in time.

The eyes, far out-shined, fragmented by truth, 

were much brighter before we ever met. 

But you gave them light and hope, 

through those blue beacons of your own, 

piercing orbitals of your older magic,

which cast a spell so blissful--

I fell for you like I wanted nothing more,

because no other weaves spells as intricately as yours.

The magic of being stuck in time. 

Incurred by right brain overload, I gaze left, 

toward dangling beads, mementos, bracelets and wristlets alike, 

each every one, of love acquired or love passed.

Your tones--yellow, orange, blue music notes--

now faded, in allegory of the present,

are all I have left of your world.

Tragic, being stuck in time. 

Today, your belle resonates.

Breathe in those memories,

locked inside the time capsule of your aura. 

An imaginary container with no directions,

save a mental note, to keep moving forward, to never pry,

but to lie.

If only to rob a dead man, you linger in my conscious, 

the resin of our affairs fueling our insanity. 

Here's me, dying, to pry.

This is how we choose

They say dreamers belong outside their minds,

but I mind what I say.

And if every word from us was spoken gospel

then girl, you've had me played.

Ten million thoughts passing through my head,

but none of them are right for you.

Countless crows giving me vibes

of a life not so blue

oh, this is (how) we choose

Just another dreamer's tune.

Sorry I waited too soon.

So never go on living

without knowing what you need to know

cuz life's too short for guessing games

and hell, just go with the flow.

And memories of a time

where we could grow older

can lie in rest inside my head

with all the other dreamer's tunes.

Sorry I waited too soon.
Just another dreamer's tune.
Sorry I waited too soon.

-bridge-

Let's say we remember, but let's forget

all those awkward, funny, not-so-funny moments

if you could look me in the eye, cuz I regret

It could only hurt a few more times

but without pain

who am I?

Sorry I waited too long

to tell you this dreamer's song

but life's not so blue

when love's got your back

and you've got mine

and I've got yours

oh this is (how) we choose

oh this is (who) we choose

to sing a dreamer's tune.

Sorry I waited too soon.

Not another dreamer's tune.

Sorry I waited too soon.

Swell Heights

Leaflets, let down like loose strands of locks,

multiflora every which way you look.

The smell of ash and burnt promises,

that is the place where stories are told.

Let us return to our rock

and a hard place,

lest it be just another glacial erratic.

Let those tides turn on their own,

there's no reason to trip up a fall.

Let your heart turn on its own,

there's barely reason to trip, at all.

Steps, amongst moss and rocks

and pictures never forgotten

though we can see their ghosts

blowing in our shadows.

Returning, like back to its sender,

here's the last letter I write to you.

Let those tides turn on their own,

there's no reason to trip up a fall.

Let your heart turn on its own,

there's barely reason to trip, at all.

If I Told You So

I don't know

that if I told you so

would you believe me

or just be, and leave?

I don't know

how those words hurt

so, much-- so deep

it cuts like a breeze

from hell.

Nobody knows

why we hurt each other so,

though the truth

was always right there,

right,

in front of

Us.

Let me tell you my heart,

if you'll let me speak.

Biting words are easy,

and it makes me weak.

If my mind could tell you my heart,

would you give it back?

If my mind could tell you my heart,

would you let me speak?

Nobody knows why we are,

or why we take it too far.

But everyone knows the good part starts

with a simple goodbye to the bitter,

bitter past.

If my mind could tell you my heart,

would you give it back?

If my mind could tell you my heart,

would you let me speak?

Hold On

And I saw rain, on another sunny day,

yes, rain, it was streaming from your face

pure and plain, I see you walking out that door

and I said, "would you give me another chance

to say what it was that's on my mind?" And you said

"No, I told you to leave that all behind."

There's only one who knows me

I feel safe in his arms.

And I said,

Hold on.

Hold on.

Stay strong.

Stay, stay.

You can't rip me open,

You can't make me bleed,

You can't touch me, I'm so free

and in love with what surrounds me.

Your praise lifts me above the ground

Though there's only one who knows me

I am safe in his arms

With no harm to be found

And I said

Hold on.

Hold on.
Stay strong,

Stay, stay.

[instrumental]

Passer-bys look into the fray,

blinded by his footsteps,

"It's time for you to go now,"

you say with your last breath.

"Stay with me for one day longer,"

I spoke through tears, shedding.

"It doesn't matter if time is up--

please just stay with me."

And I said.

"Hold on.

Hold on.

Stay strong,

Stay, stay--

Hold on! Hold on!

Stay strong,

Stay, sta---ay."